beginning to realize something, i feel better when i "create" or "achieve" things in life....

for some that may be obvious especially for those of us who know everything about everything lol but for me i finally realized that what i truly enjoy in life is creating something that has not been done before, something unique, doing things that nobody expects(sometimes that doesn't turn out too well lol). Once something becomes the same ole same ole and becomes a mundane task it starts to become a chore and takes the fun out of it. Its the process of doing something new, trying something thats never been done before that really gives me satisfaction. But its not just about me, i get that same enjoyment when i watch other people do the same thing, i guess everyone does but i'm just trying to put it into words. There is one key factor though to creating and achieving and that is the learning environment. If the people and things around you are supportive and help you to achieve and create then it makes the learning process so much more satisfying and effective. If you try to create and achieve in a negative environment where the goal is to put people down and compete with no real intention of teaching and only trying to make yourself look good then learning goes practically down to zero imo, so the ole school theory of learning where you teach by breaking someone down doesn't fly with me. It breeds resentment imo. Its a good way to try and make yourself feel better by putting others down but it doesn't promote learning, it gives you a nice ego boost i guess but its basically a way for you to feel better by putting someone else down. Well some would say, who cares if the other person learns anything, i know this stuff already!!!! well thats just sad imo, life is about passing along things that you have learned so that others may achieve something greater than could ever be imagined and maybe even achieve greater things than you have achieved in life. But its a responsibility i feel we all as a people should carry on our shoulders, passing lessons that we have learned with others in life. I see parents do it with their children everyday, but i think that gets lost when it comes to adults. Well, creating and achieving are critically important to me, i need to do both of these on a daily basis, without them i feel empty inside, with them i find real peace inside. I always say, stop sitting around and watching others achieve their dreams while you waste away and never achieve your own. Stop dreaming the dream and live the dream. Stop worrying about what Tiger is doing and take a good look in the mirror, take care, A

my battle, i want to play and create music all day long but

having two jobs does not allow that to happen, therefore my music suffers, trying to figure out an answer since music is my life and i must drive and push forward with my music. Gotta free up some time somewhere

just got my new Mark Tremonti PRS electric guitar today...

played it for a few hours and it is soooo sooo sweet, if you don't know who Mark Tremonti is, he is the guitarist and genius behind two incredible bands, Creed and Alter Bridge. Simply an amazing guitarist, the perfect mix of melody and metal, i think i read that in a recent article. Now i am really stepping up my skills on the electric guitar, u can expect to see some of what i am doing on the electric in a few weeks. Thinkin about starting a Creed cover band someday as well as doing my own stuff. I love doing the acoustic songs but i also love to let it rip sometimes. What do i mean by letting it rip? that means grabbing an electric guitar, putting up the devil horns and cranking the amps to 11 lol, thank Laura for that one, she reminded me of that from the movie Spinal Tap. Maybe i'm just a dreamer but something deep down inside is telling me to go for it, i was born to play ;-) some people communicate best through words, i think i communicate who i really am through my music, it allows me to express myself fully with no interuptions and no nonsense.

as for my music, time to refocus, time to make this happen

no more excuses, see you sometime in the summer of 2010, 10 song original cd, some covers and a few beers, lets get this party started ;-)

been awhile, starting to find myself again....

its funny how you can think you have everything you ever wanted but still feel like you have nothing. trying to find myself, who am i? who do i really want to be? what will define me after i have left this earth? i have always loved people and tried my best to help those in need. I try to be kind and respectful to people regardless of color, nationality or whatever ridiculous differences people try to come up with, we are all human beings, we are all in this together, i treat everyone equally, i treat everyone the way i would like to be treated, plain and simple. And it may sound silly but i have always been uncomfortable in social situations. I hide it well. my apologies to all that have tried to help me and to all my friends that i have treated poorly. It seems i have always sufferred from social anxiety and social phobia, it has stopped me from establishing relationships and keeping in contact with people that i really care about. I have always struggled with it since i was in grammar school, its hard to describe but basically i have isolated myself and avoided social situations even though i want to interact with others. Unless you understand social anxiety and phobia you may think this sounds silly, but believe me, its real and it prevents someone like me from establishing and maintaining relationships with those i care about. Anyways, i'm starting to work on my issues and hopefully i will be able to meet with my old friends and tell them how sorry i am for not calling them back or trying to build a real relationship. Luckily, i have someone in my life now, Laura who is helping me to move forward and appreciate people and life ;-) i love Laura Chema, she is a strong and amazing woman, i owe her so much, she is my best friend, lover and everything else ;-)